Apr 25, 2012

Buried Alive

   So excited about tonight! I got James tickets to see Aziz Ansari for his birthday back in February. So it's been a long wait. It's his Buried Alive show for the Moontower Comedy and Oddity Fest and it's SOLD OUT!!! The only sold out show out of all the comics. It's gonna be at the stunning Paramount Theater which makes it so much better. I've only seen films there so I'm really excited about seeing a live show. Also, I've never been to a comedy show before. I have a really loud laugh so I hope I don't get too crazy. Heheh. We'll be in the Mezzanine. Ooo fancy! One of those balcony boxes would have been nicer but WTH? James is meeting me here at work in 30 minutes then we're gonna head over to Lambert's for dinner and drinks first. 

   So much fun! I've spent the last half hour trying to find out the name of his opening act but she was so funny. When Aziz announced her, he mentioned she was a writer on Parks and Recreation. She was talking about uncomfortable it is for strangers to hear your pee flow in public bathrooms and how she always aims for the side of bowl. How she tries to take the dick image out of eating a banana by smashing it in her palm and eating it from between her fingers. She said instead of a rape whistle she'd prefer a rape bass. "I'll probably get raped anyway but at least I'll sound cooler".  And she criticized anyone who bitches about female comics because "they talk about their periods too much" pointing out that if it was the other way around, guys wouldn't be able to shut up about it. "Yo, I'm bleeding out my dick right now. Drip! Drip! Drip!" Hahaha!
   Aziz finally came on (with an awesome suit) and got right to the point of how much he doesn't want to have children right now and how sick he is of his friend's updating every moment of their baby's life. How silly it is when couples are only together for less than two year's before getting married and how surprised he was by not being raped as a child. He was saying how absolutely cute he was a kid, and how he was probably really intimidating to pedophiles who treated him like the hottest girl in the bar. "Aziz wouldn't want me, he could f*ck any old man he wants". He started ragging on today's guys and how bad he feels for the women who receive unwanted camera phone pictures of their dicks. His advice? Just be nice and clean and your odds of getting the girl will be substantially higher. He was talk to a couple in the front about how the husband proposed and when he mentioned it was in Fredericksburg Aziz was like wth is that? Haha! I personally love Fredericksburg and definitely wouldn't mind getting proposed to there. Well, not anymore cause it's already taken. Haha! He was also ragging on MTV for having two shows of depressing extremes; 16 and Pregnant and my Super Sweet 16. Tales of singing Seal songs at a benefit show and meeting President Obama backstage and how funny he was. He actually sang a lot. He was dropping beats and changing lyrics. So cute! I always wondered if comedians did encores. Like concerts, do they come back on and tell a few more jokes? He left he stage real quick and everyone stood up and applauded and then came right back out and stayed for another 20 minutes. Thanks Aziz. 
   Before the show, we had to ditch Lambert's cause it was crazy busy and opted for some sushi at Imperia. I had a yummy coconut margarita and we split some nigiri and salmon skin rolls. We walked a few blocks to the Paramount and there were so many people outside! I think the line was for the wristband holders for the Moontower Festival. I'm not really sure how that worked but we got to skip the line and go right to our seats. We were next to a small flight of stairs and while we were waiting for the show to start I heard this loud banging next to me. This poor lady was tumbling down the stairs. It looked so bad I had to turn away. I looked back and a few people were helping her but she was already on her feet. She sent some guy off to look for her shoes and they found one under the seat of the guy next to us. All the way at the top of the stairs. When she was out of sight I couldn't stop laughing about the shoe. It was so funny. I'm glad she was ok though. In my head I was thinking, this chick better not die and ruin the whole show. 

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